Newbies guide to RBI.

There is a white office, an imposing one I should say at Bakery Junction, Thiruvananthapuram. It’s the RBI regional office for Kerala and the Lakshadweep, the building you have been looking for. You notice that the people there wear identity cards which resemble the ones that the IT professionals wear (the plastic identity card hanging from a blue chord is supposed to represent POWER). They walk in everyday with their briefcases and hand bags full of confidential information. Follow them till the main building where you will be asked to show you card. Promptly show your card, if it’s not plastic you might have to stay a bit longer. There is an airport style security which scans every single Rupee or any other foreign currency that you might have. If you happen to bring anything else like a screw driver, or a nut, or a laptop, or a C.D., or a Hard disk to steal the data, or your daughter’s braces accidently then you have to register at the desk. After which you have to undergo an even more rigorous scanning process. By this time, you wish you had brought the nuclear bomb you sold during last week’s garage sale.

Finally after an hour of security guards almost molesting you, you get in. There are notices on the notice board dating back to your childhood, word of the day IPs that you wouldn’t find in any dictionaries. You find that the cubicle is the only respite from terror. You start the computer, and find that the computer is locked, and so is the internet. Nothing works, Orkut is blocked, so is Youtube and it’s the same for most of the other culturally corrupting sites. Yet, when you peek into next guy’s comp. you will get the shock of your lifetime. Relax, the dude is looking at some interesting pictures, smile to him and act as if you hadn’t seen anything. Next wait for the 10:30 coffee, try to count the number of seconds it takes for the coffee to come to your table or guess the colour of the flask in which the coffee arrives. You will be amazed at how fast the time flies in RESERVE BANK OF INDIA. Then it’s another two hours before lunch, try guessing the number of plates that would be kept in a North-East direction, or the number of glasses which are unclean. Then it’s time for lunch. Steal your chicken piece or any non-veg item before it’s stolen by another chap. Avoid drinking water in the glasses unless you want to taste the buttermilk the previous user had. Eat your food in peace and gently exit the place without making any noise. This way you wouldn’t earn the wrath of the people when they are at their worst temper.

Come back to your cubicle and wait for the 2:30 coffee. Calmly proceed with what you are doing, even if it’s sleep. The warm smell of coffee will sure wake you up. Take your time in drinking it, because you wouldn’t have anything else to do for another 2 ½ half hours. Rush to the lobby at around 5:15 before the crowd comes. Here, you might have to pass through the same security rituals that you had done in the morning but this time the security guards are too lazy to check you properly. They let you go in no time. You are out, free from the clutches of the white leviathan. Run for your lives if you are sane, or stay back and admire the office where you now proudly work at.

P.S.: I have nothing against RBI or any other central bank for that matter.